Friday, January 22, 2016

Down the Drain.

Remember when the Powerball hit up to $1.6 dollars? Wow, everyone really thought they had a shot, right? Well I did too, I really really thought, I had a shot at winning that much money.

It turns out, that my luck wasn't ready to be drawn.

Do you know what I could do with that much money? Well anyone in general, could do so much.

Anyways, I'm here today to update my status on:

1. I quit my job as of two days ago and could not have made a better choice.
2. Now that I am graduated, I want to pursue a skill/trait to advance my future career.
3. I will probably be broke and be living off of pennies I find off the streets.

Just kidding, well not really. 

I quit my job because I was unhappy for several months, unfortunately I was only employed at the restaurant for "several" months. Started back in August to be specific.

I moved to Portland from Tacoma/Seattle back in July and started this job, with hope that things would go well for once.

Nope, after the first month or two, things started getting ugly but I decided to stick around a bit longer hoping the waves would crash and calm down. 

I'd rather not discuss how painful this upbringing was so on with the next topic on hand.

People usually go to school to achieve a degree that leads to pursuing a career, right? Like an actual job not a part time job as a server or something.

Well I keep telling myself that I have to be a server until ____ amount of time, until ____ is complete, but the truth is: it pays the bills. We all have to make a living to pay the bills and even pay for school.

I recently graduated with a Bachelor's is Psychology and some say you can't find a career with just a "Bachelor's" in Psychology but in my case, that seems to be true. My goal is to tie nutrition and psychology together and have been doing some research. 

Luckily for me, there is a new branch of Psychology that is expanding called "Nutritional Psychology" which is still under the "Health Psychology" field but emerging. In order for me to take that path, I would have to enroll in a accredited graduate school for my doctorate. To get that far, I would need quite a handful of money to even pay for graduate school.

Where does that leave me?

I had an extremely long hair appointment yesterday and had a lot of time to think what I should do... to get from Point A to Point B.

Point A being: graduated with a Bachelor's and Point B being: attending graduate school for a PsyD. 

In between Point A and Point B, I need a middle plan, probably a skill or trait that could make me some money beyond a "part-time" job. Something more... professional.

Well, I have always wanted to attending baking school, that could be fun but I have also done research and it's just extremely pricey for me to handle.

I'm willing to take chances though, if I have to rack up some student loans, so be it. I have been thankful enough to get by undergraduate school with very minimal student loans thanks to financial aid and this time around, I might just tack on a few thousand so I can get moving in the direction I want to achieve.

Lastly, I don't know what kind of job I will be looking for in the next upcoming weeks, I am done with the serving industry, it pays the bills but the stress takes such a large toll on my health, I don't think I can continue.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Hands In Pockets.

Sometimes, you get excited about the small things you hold in your hands within your pockets. 
Sometimes, you just want to show the world what you have. 
But, sometimes you should keep it to yourself and enjoy the moment while you can.

I learned a couple days ago, that sometimes you don't have to share with the world what makes you happy because the spotlight tends to be drawn away by other people who are curious as to how you achieved that happiness. 

Finding happiness is like a pot of gold, you know it's at the end of a rainbow but where does the rainbow end? 

If you let everyone know that you have a lead on that pot of gold, many others might try and take it from you first. 

Enjoy the moments while you can, let the distractions fade, and find your happiness. I also learned that happiness isn't a destination but rather an endless journey people seek. I have been experiencing a glimpse of what happiness feels like after all these years of searching and I would not trade it for the world! 

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Quick Update!

This is just a quick update as to what is coming:

1. I am officially done with all my course requirements and I will be awaiting my diploma in the mail anxiously!

2. Life has been a bumpy roller coaster ride as usual.

3. My journey has led me to reside in Portland for the time being.

4. I look forward to taking a year off and enjoying some 'me' time.

5. I will be creating a more detailed post in the next week or two.

*Note to self: You did it! 
You accomplished the difficult task of graduating and committing to the goal. 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

You Worry Too Much.

Yep, who doesn't worry "too much"?

I don't even have a pun for worrying as much as I do.

I mean, c'mon I'm only 23 years old, give me a break.
Nonetheless, my soul is of a 50+ year old.

A side story of my background and why my soul is 50+ years old:
As the oldest in the family and first generation to move to the U.S. from S. Korea, I basically had to step into BOTH my parents' shoes as soon as I could start speaking English.

Boy' I will tell you, I had one hell of a miserable childhood. Oh wait, I didn't get a childhood. I had "adulthood" slapped onto my face since I could start speaking the 'American' language.

All the worries and paranoia my parents' had about hiding from people who ring our doorbells to calling customer service hotlines every other day, things were tough.

Everyone experiences their own level of stress/worry in their lives and I'm not saying that mine's the worst. One of my hugest pet peeves is when they say "there are far worse-off people out there". Uh, sorry to burst your bubble but, I wasn't talking about someone else... I'm talking about me because I am ME.

What inspired me to write this post?

Well if you would like to know, there was going to be an 'annual unit inspection' going on at the apartment I currently reside in. What's wrong with that scenario? Not much unless you aren't on the lease and you have a dog that growls at strangers from a room with closed doors...

Why am I not on the lease? Well almost a year ago around this time, I left my one-year contract lease from the previous apartment and was planning on staying with my dad and sister (whom are on the current lease + a cat) for a few months until I moved to California. Yep, plan L.A. was back in action.

What changed?

I met the love of my life at the last event I was celebrating my departure; Paradiso 2014.

Anyways, since then, I've stayed at this apartment without adding my name or dog to the lease because we all know how pricey it can get. Especially when my dog isn't a tiny little chihuahua or poodle. She's about 35-40 pounds and it's usually more expensive on pet deposit policies.

So the lady came while my boyfriend and I were leaving for the day and THANK GOD, literally, there was a unfamiliar face who came for the inspection. I knew the two ladies who managed the apartment complex but this lady was new. Later, I found out from my sister that there was a new manager in town.

In the end, she was inside for like 30 seconds, said I'm good to go, and we parted ways.

Moral of the story? I worried over my head for nothing. My parents' have built a default-worry/paranoia mindset whenever the smallest of things could "possibly" go wrong.

Until next time,
XOXO Alekkz

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Foodie 4 Lyfe.

My previous post was about how I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life right?

Well, 10 seconds after I posted that piece... I realized "DUH!" food.

I consider myself as a foodie.

So what did my little eager-thinking brain do? Google it of course.

Now, I've researched my way towards careers involving food before. I even went back to the beginning of this blog to see how indecisive I have been over the past few years on what I wanted to become when I grew up. According to this blog, I left off at wanting to be a RD but quit as soon as I realized how science-math related it was.

In case I come back crawling to this post to see where I was at in a few months or years. I wanted to make note of what I was thinking at this moment.

I am currently reading this article that discusses "top 10 jobs for foodies", I'm going to finish reading it and make a list of which are most appealing to me.

10. Food Stylist [self-explanatory]
9. Food Educator [teaching children; naturally drawn to gardening and cooking]
8. Food Entrepreneur [creating new foods]

6. Food Writer/Blogger [passionate about food && writing]

2. Nutritionist ["culinary knight in shining armor"]

Well there you have it, out of 10, these are the ones I found most delectable. I mean, interesting.

Now I'm going to make a tally chart of how many times I come across a certain "title" that catches my eyes:

Food Critic/Writer [xxx]
Nutritionist [xx]
Baker/Pastry Chef [xx]

Hmm, so it looks like these are my top 3 winners. Not too surprised since these are probably the 3 I constantly think of when it comes to careers in the food industry that would suit me well. Not bad at all.

*Another thing to keep in mind, studying nutrition via degree route involves a lot more heavy science-based courses whereas certification programs are more towards "practical" nutritional education.

From this point on, what I need to is: whenever I hesitate on what I want to do in life or like to do in life --> focus on the word "food". I want to eat food, I want to make food, I want to work with food, I want to write about food, I want to take pictures of food. Food, food, and more food. I should basically stamp the word "food" on my forehead!

What would be the next step for me be?

Perhaps, make a foodie blog right?

Uh, yea... unfortunately I have thought of that idea many times over. However, I can't seem to get a grip on how I would structure such a blog. Maybe, that will be my homework.

Until next time,
XOXO Alekkz

Who Am I?

Every inspirational post I read about always starts with "know who you are", "what you want in life", and other statements that include a little something about oneself.

What if I don't know who I am?

What if I don't know what I want?

What if I have no purpose?

Cherish you memories, they say. What memories? What if I can't recall any good memories? I can say right off the bat, I have more bad memories than good and of those bad, I have forced myself to erase from my mind the existence of such horrid memories.

Here I am at 12:48AM, googling myself away at "how to be successful", "how to be happy in life"...

If you know me on a personal level, I am always spouting the word "happiness" like a whale spouting water out of it's blowhole.

I'm not asking for anything expensive, time-consuming, or impossible.

Just simply happiness.

But I can't seem to find it. Or see it. Maybe, I'm allergic to happiness?

I am unsatisfied with everything in life right now, perhaps because nothing is going my way?

I am not that selfish of a person, I know things happen in life that I can't control and such.

I don't even know what I am posting about right now.

All I know is, I can't sleep and I am just... rambling on. This seems to be the only place I can simply ramble on about nonsense.

People seem to find their "niche" or something they enjoy doing. I want to find something I enjoy. But when I do find something, cost is always an issue. For example, I'd love to learn pastries and go to school but a 2 year program costs more than a 4 year degree in some cases.

What am I supposed to do then?

Every time I want to do something, I reach a dead end. There's no way I can just pluck money off of a tree in the backyard. Life's just so unfair.

Until next time,
XOXO Alekkz

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Ah, it's been so long! I feel like it's always been forever

But I am here to announce:

So I made a bold move and quit my job and unfortunately I had to let go of my volunteering work at an elementary school teaching 1st graders how to read.

I have been stressed so much that I just can't do anything anymore. My body is physically deteriorating and I can barely get out of bed. It's getting so hard for me yet I'm the bread winner of the family.

My dad has been laid off for months, my sister barely makes anything and my mom is undergoing surgery soon and struggles within the work field because she has no experience (also moved back to Korea).

I tried to balance full-time school, almost full-time hours at work, and volunteering. 

I've been living this lifestyle since I was young and never focused on myself nor did I ever take care of myself. I finally decided, I need to start taking care of myself if I want to get married in the future, have my own children and start my future career.

I'm scared because I won't be able to work and make money to be financially stable but I do have some money saved up for now. I am also moving to a different state in 3 months which is a concern, financially.

I'm also excited because I finally will have free time to focus on school, pick up that pencil/ paintbrush again to create art (I've been rusty for over 10 years). To work on my mag. clipping art, jigsaw puzzles, I have so much to catch up on! I have to make tons of kandi for EDC and Paradiso too.

Please, keep me in your prayers <3

-One step closer to my happiness-