Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Hello Stranger.

I do not know what I am doing with my life. I have to learn to let all my worries go and lay it down in front of God. It's difficult, I am one to know.

I am happy to announce that I have been approved for my very first own apartment! [yay!]

I get to move in on Friday! After work. I am proud to say that God has blessed me with such a wonderful job, it may not be my dream job but definitely pays the enormous amount of bills... I have to pay each month. Tacking on another $500+ a month for apartment rent is not going to be light...

Currently, I struggle trying to pay for all my bills jumbled into a tight period of time... on top of having saved up $1200 in a month [for rent and deposits], while living at a friend's house.

I thought I had overcome the mountain of saving money up for an apartment only to be faced with another giant mountain titled, "tuition for school". I had to drop my Spring Quarter classes due to the fact I was about to drop everything and move to L.A. with my dad- which did not happen! Thank God for that!

To make up for lost time, I plan on taking Summer Quarter, which is shorter
[teehee I can take my dreaded classes first], and I will finish up at my community college until Fall Quarter.

Hopefully, after two more quarters, I will be transferring to a university that is close to where I work and live [in a couple days].

I thought I wanted to go back into Interior Design... but at this point, I am so exhausted of trying to find what I want to do in life... that I am just going to major in Psychology. I do not want to be judged as many of the lazy students who major in Psychology because it's "easy". I actually enjoy the subject of Psychology and since I do not know what I want to pursue in life, perhaps learning about the human mind will enhance my already "super-ripen wise brain" I have of mine(:

Just a secret between you and I, I may only be 21 years old physically, but my mind has aged to the mid 40's, which means I am closely headed towards my MID-LIFE CRISIS! I am not even joking. I am falling apart already! I have yet to even live out my youngin' days... I have not seen the light... of "fun". What is fun?

I have been so busy playing the "parent" role... as a KID!! I have always been too mature for my age. Having parents who immigrated to America and not knowing how to do anything... as the oldest child... I had to live their lives FOR THEM!

Goodness... when I see the "fun" my younger sisters have... exhausting themselves each day... enjoying their days... I wonder when my days of excitement will come... I'm sure God wanted me to learn most of my life lessons early so I get to enjoy the rest of my days.

Plus, in the end, when we end up in Heaven, it won't be our physical bodies that rise up, it will be our mind and souls. I may grieve the days of fun I have missed out in my 21 years of existence but I am at the same time, thankful to have learned so many life lessons, gained wisdom that not many people can claim to have, and to be prepared for the future!

I pray that I will be able to give up my controlling needs to handle everything on my own... and let God take control.

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