Sunday, June 30, 2013

Go Back In Time.

Don't we all wish that we could go back in time? Change something that we will forever regret? I have plenty and am not so proud of it.

But I woke up this morning, realizing something that has changed my whole world around.

We are so busy thinking about how "society" portrays this, or that? But why do we let what "society" thinks, teach us how to live our lives? I was never a big fan of following what everyone else does. Although there came to a point where the going got tough from standing out from others [which is hard work] and started to follow the crowd.

It's much easier to follow the flow of current rather than try to fight against it right? Yea, I decided to let my strength fail me and followed where the currents would take me. But that was not enough for me, I was not satisfied with following everyone else. I wanted to do my own thing, always have.

In my school days, there is the "you are either a leader or a follower"... I always believed I was a follower. I had no courage or strength to be a leader [although, I always wish I had that trait]. But guess what? Anyone can be a leader, being a leader doesn't mean you stand in front of EVERYONE and literally lead them. That's just a show. A true leader is who will go to the back of the line and make sure your last followers are on track and not falling behind, one that will make sure everyone is safe and comfortable, one that will always BE THERE for you.

I believe I was born as a true leader, maybe not the kind everyone else pictures, but I know I am a leader in every way possible.

I lost four years of my teen years to reckless dating, thinking each guy I dated meant the whole world to me and I didn't need anyone or anything other than him. Boy was I wrong... Since the age of sixteen until twenty... I had no life, but then again, I had no life to begin with. I have always noticed, I hang out with the younger crowd, always around my younger sisters' ages... close to two-four years younger. Why? I think it is because they made me feel young again, they show me what I have been missing out on.

You know those girls and boys who are in a relationship, they slowly pull away from their friends because they are too busy being with their boyfriend/girlfriends? Yea, I was one of them. Till this day, I may still be young, but there are so many things I wish I had done when I was younger.

I always look to date an older guy but when I woke up this morning, dating younger guys isn't wrong [I have done it before], dating older guys just seem to be the norm but who said I follow the "norm" right? This guy I have recently met has slowly started unraveling this complicated thick-layered onion of mine,  and started showing me what I have been missing out on and that I still have a chance to make up for lost time!

Have you ever heard or seen the quotes floating around on facebook that says (not directly quoted, similar), "If you are still single that means God is writing the greatest love story for you right now". The first few times I read this, I didn't think much, just that I have to be patient and wait. Now, it makes sense! What I have had in the past were never "love-filled" relationships, they were space fillers.

After dating many guys, I still don't know what "true love" is or feels like and want to know what it's like to have a love-filled relationship that God has planned out for me since the beginning of time.

I cannot be more thankful than I am right now, to have met someone who can LITERALLY take me back in time and show me all the good times a girl can have with a guy in their teen years, although I am not a teen anymore, I still have a teen mindset for missing out on my "teen" years.

I can't wait to see what becomes of this new relationship that God has sent my way. I like to believe that he is truly God sent because when I first started hanging out with him, he called himself "a gift sent from God".  

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