Thursday, December 12, 2013

Call it Fate.

Hey everyone, sorry I have not written in so long! There has been so much going on it is ridiculous. Good news is, I am learning to better myself and have come across some helpful resources. On the other hand, I still am struggling with overcoming my past issues.

This post is not going to be so much about me complaining but more on what God has been focusing in my life lately. I wanted to dedicate this post to someone special out there that might not even know I constantly think about him. Now, I just sound like stalker but hey, God sent this person into my life to show me a door God was opening in my life.

"I am who I am. I have hidden from people, the 'real' me".

Not too long ago, I was on this online dating site just for ol' time sakes because I was feeling a little down and thought of amusing myself with strangers. Usually, I keep my preferences top-notch so the weird people do not message me, although I cannot stop them. This time, which is different from all the other times I have been on dating sites, I wanted to mark a preference for "Christians". For the most part, it is the guys who will message me first rather than me having to initiate a conversation. But I did not feel like playing "Tag you're it, message me" so I peeked on this one profile and liked what I saw.

However, when I "view" someone's profile they would look at mine back and tend to message me if they like what they saw. But this one guy did not message me. But I liked what "I" saw, so I messaged him first. After all, I should take action for what I want, right?

He was a nice guy, he introduced himself with his name and what he does and where he goes to church? Now that normally is not included in a first-time conversation. He asked me where I go and I told him my situation. I could not exactly remember where he said he went because two days later after messaging, he deactivated his account. Bummer, I wanted to chat with him some more. I guess online dating sites was not his thing. That's okay though.

Now the focus of this post comes into play. I have been led astray from the church I have been going to for some time now and decided to take a break. One day, I decided to look around the internet to see what my options for churches were. Of course, I grew up in a Korean church and wanted to stay "connected'. But, that was not what God has intended for me this time around. He wanted me to step outside of my comfort zone. It was time to leave my pride for having the "perfect Korean-Focused" life. I have this complex with anything that has to do with being Korean. That's for another time.

So the guy I messaged with for roughly two days, I had the feeling he told me he attended Champions Centre Church, but then again it was only two days and I completely forgot where  he said he went. Well, I looked up the church on Yelp (as I am a huge Yelper) and noticed it was a somewhat large church. I decided one Saturday night, to attend their service. I thought it would be one of those "Friday Night Services" but on a Saturday. I arrived a little late but I was shocked! So many people? The Worship team looked like I was at a concert? Wow. It was amazing. Talk about, first impressions right? I enjoyed the worship, was eager for the sermon spoken by Pastor Kevin Gerald. He was a great speaker. I felt a connection to this church. The only problem was, majority of the congregation was "American" (whites, blacks, etc) and was so foreign for me. I did not know if I could last more than one service here.

Here I am, two weeks later- still attending Champions Centre. Secretly inside, I hope to find that one guy but who knows if I will ever meet him in person since this church is so huge plus, I do not know if this was the church he mentioned... Now the part about God opening a new door for me, I have been praying for God to guide me to a church where I would be able to grow spiritually. More than anything, I want to learn more about God and how to be in a relationship with Him. Maybe at the time, I was more interested in getting this guy's phone number but stepping back and seeing the bigger picture, I realized God might have sent this guy into my life just to send me a "unintentional message" that had to do with the church.

I took it as a cue and ever since then, I have attended one Saturday service, two Sunday services, and the best part is, I was able to learn about their "Celebrate Recovery" program on Tuesday nights. I have gone to two meetings so far and I am more than blessed to discover Champions Centre and their resources. Celebrate Recovery is kind of like a Church version of "Alcoholics Anonymous" but with more subjects that are covered. I definitely needed this.

I have been suffering from Anger, Alcoholism, Sexual Brokenness, Co-Dependency issues and more. This is where all the broken parts of me come into healing through this church. I am not only learning to step out of my comfort zone but am ready to acknowledge that I need help and healing from God. It is time for me to take action as God has shown me the path I must take in bettering myself. I even found my way to start volunteering at the church. To some, it may sound too soon that I started getting involved only after a mere two weeks, but for me- this is what I have been waiting for my whole life.

Who knows, maybe I will meet that one guy someday and be able to thank him for being a messenger of God to better my life, without even him knowing what he did for me. A step into changing my life for the better.

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