Thursday, November 6, 2014

Did you ever think, "This is the end?"

Perhaps that this is the end of the road? There is no continuing on from here?

I sure have. Plenty of times. Thinking "this is it, this draws the line".

If that doesn't catch your drift how about this one- you know which direction you are supposed to be going but you close your eyes and walk the opposite way to avoid the truth and its reality.

I can tell you that I've been at both ends several times and am still Lost. That's just it! Lost. I'm a lost child just like many others. I don't know where my place in life is and I keep wandering around wondering what could possibly be left for me out in this big bad world. I constantly hear the word "nothing" being whispered through my ear while my heart tells me to keep going and look for the better things in life.

Why continue to rant? when everyone else is taking the easy way out. Committing their own deaths. Now, that's too overrated and dramatic. I don't think that's ever the right answer. Sure, I have thought of it more times than I can count the years of my existence. It doesn't end there neither will my spirit. If you know me personally, you would know that I will never settle for less.

So if that option is not available, what have I been doing all this time to keep myself sane? Well that's the point. I'm not "sane". I don't think anyone in this lifetime is. Everyone's got their own little "kookoo" inside them.

I just do a better job of hiding it rather than expressing those emotions.

You hear about social help groups, friends and families, but you know what? That doesn't always work. We aren't all born to fit into a cookie cutter. Some have special needs that will require attention.

"Find an outlet" they say... Oh trust me, I have tried several different outlets in life and every single one of them had led me back to step 1. So tell me, "what am I doing wrong"?

I'm not listening to myself. For a split second- I need to just let everything go, drop it, sit and listen. What is my mind and body telling me? What is it that I need? This world is full of chaos and hype and we are too busy for ourselves now.

I am still a Lost child and searching for my inner peace but I pray for all those on a similar journey like mine.


-Just another Lost child,
Alekkz

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