Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Who Am I?

Every inspirational post I read about always starts with "know who you are", "what you want in life", and other statements that include a little something about oneself.

What if I don't know who I am?

What if I don't know what I want?

What if I have no purpose?

Cherish you memories, they say. What memories? What if I can't recall any good memories? I can say right off the bat, I have more bad memories than good and of those bad, I have forced myself to erase from my mind the existence of such horrid memories.

Here I am at 12:48AM, googling myself away at "how to be successful", "how to be happy in life"...

If you know me on a personal level, I am always spouting the word "happiness" like a whale spouting water out of it's blowhole.

I'm not asking for anything expensive, time-consuming, or impossible.

Just simply happiness.

But I can't seem to find it. Or see it. Maybe, I'm allergic to happiness?

I am unsatisfied with everything in life right now, perhaps because nothing is going my way?

I am not that selfish of a person, I know things happen in life that I can't control and such.

I don't even know what I am posting about right now.

All I know is, I can't sleep and I am just... rambling on. This seems to be the only place I can simply ramble on about nonsense.

People seem to find their "niche" or something they enjoy doing. I want to find something I enjoy. But when I do find something, cost is always an issue. For example, I'd love to learn pastries and go to school but a 2 year program costs more than a 4 year degree in some cases.

What am I supposed to do then?

Every time I want to do something, I reach a dead end. There's no way I can just pluck money off of a tree in the backyard. Life's just so unfair.

Until next time,
XOXO Alekkz

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